As a family law firm that assists with legal marital issues, we at Holcomb Law understand the sensitive nature of discussing intimacy problems within a marriage. Many spouses ask us whether a sexless marriage constitutes grounds for divorce in Virginia. While lack of intimacy is not technically listed as one of the divorce grounds in Virginia, this situation may indeed lead to divorce. Let’s dive into this delicate topic and answer important legal questions around it.
Understanding Sexless Marriages
What constitutes a “sexless marriage”? There is no universal definition for this, but some marriage therapists suggest that having sex fewer than 10 times a year is a sign of a sexless marriage. However, it’s important to note that every couple’s needs and expectations differ.
Take for example a wife who hadn’t been intimate with her husband for over three years. She felt lonely, rejected, and unsure if her marriage could be saved. Her story isn’t unique – many couples struggle with intimacy issues, and it’s more common than you might think.
Virginia Divorce Laws and Grounds
In Virginia, divorce laws recognize both fault-based and no-fault grounds for ending a marriage. While a sexless marriage isn’t explicitly listed as grounds for divorce, it can potentially fall under certain categories depending on the circumstances.
No-Fault Divorce for a Sexless Marriage
Virginia allows for no-fault divorce after a period of separation. In a no-fault divorce, the filing spouse doesn’t need to cite wrongdoing or fault on the part of the other spouse. The couple must live separately for:
- One year if they have minor children, or
- Six months if they have no minor children and have a signed separation agreement.
Take for example a woman and her husband who had already been living apart for eight months. They had no children but hadn’t yet drafted a separation agreement. In this situation, she may opt to wait four more months and then file for a no-fault divorce without needing to prove any specific grounds.
Fault-Based Divorce for a Sexless Marriage
If a spouse wants to file for fault-based divorce in Virginia, they must specify one of the valid grounds for divorce listed in state law. Sexless marriage itself is not one of these grounds, but the couple’s lack of intimacy may substantiate one of the valid grounds for Virginia divorce. Consider these examples of Virginia divorce grounds and how a sexless marriage may count under them:
- Desertion: Also called abandonment, desertion is not just about physically leaving one’s spouse. In some cases, a spouse refusing intimacy might be considered to have emotionally deserted the marriage. The situation may be so desperate that it could prompt the unhappy spouse to want to leave the marital home. This type of desertion is called constructive desertion, and it is a valid reason to divorce in Virginia.
- Cruelty: If the withholding of sex is part of a pattern of emotional abuse or cruelty, it could potentially be grounds for divorce. To successfully claim this grounds, the filing spouse must convince the court that their spouse willfully and continuously refused sexual intimacy without reasonable cause.
The Impact of a Sexless Marriage on Divorce Proceedings
Whether it’s a fault-based or no-fault divorce, the lack of marital intimacy can influence various aspects of the divorce process:
Property Division
Virginia follows equitable distribution laws, meaning marital property is divided fairly but not necessarily equally. Though the court doesn’t consider intimacy as a factor in property division, if one spouse proves that lack of sex collapsed the marriage, it might influence the decision on what constitutes an “equitable” division.
Spousal Support
In determining spousal support, courts consider various factors including the circumstances that led to the divorce. If a spouse can demonstrate that the lack of intimacy significantly contributed to the marriage’s dissolution, it might affect spousal support decisions.
Child Custody
If children are involved, the court’s primary concern is their best interests. While a sexless marriage doesn’t directly impact custody decisions, any related issues – such as emotional neglect or abuse – could be relevant factors. Note that abuse in this context doesn’t have to be directed at the child. If, for instance, the child constantly witnesses one parent being abusive or violent towards the other, the judge will not look kindly on the abuser.
Seeking Solutions Beyond Divorce
At Holcomb Law, PC, we believe in exploring all options before proceeding with divorce. Here are some steps couples may consider if they are facing intimacy issues:
- Open communication: Try to have honest, non-judgmental conversations about intimacy needs and concerns.
- Couples counseling: Professional therapists can help address underlying issues and improve communication.
- Medical consultation: Sometimes, physical health issues contribute to intimacy problems. A medical check-up might be beneficial.
- Mediation: In this dispute resolution method, a neutral third party facilitates communication between the spouses to help them find mutually agreeable solutions.
- Legal separation: This can provide time and space to work on the relationship without immediately pursuing divorce.
Legal Considerations for Sexless Marriages in Virginia
If you’re considering divorce due to a sexless marriage in Virginia, here are some key legal points to keep in mind:
- Documentation: Keep a record of your attempts to address the issue, including therapy sessions or medical consultations.
- Separation period: Remember the required separation periods for no-fault divorce (one year with children, six months without).
- Fault versus no-fault: Weigh the pros and cons of pursuing a fault-based divorce versus a no-fault divorce.
- Legal counsel: Consult with an experienced family law attorney to understand your rights and options.
The Emotional Toll of a Sexless Marriage
Dealing with a sexless marriage can be emotionally draining. Many of our clients report feelings of rejection, low self-esteem, and depression. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental health during this challenging time.
Consider seeking individual therapy to work through your emotions. Remember, your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be in a fulfilling relationship.
Moving Forward: Life After a Sexless Marriage
Whether you choose to work on your marriage or pursue divorce, remember that there’s life beyond a sexless marriage. Many of our clients have found happiness either by rekindling intimacy in their current relationships or by moving on to new, fulfilling partnerships.
How Holcomb Law Can Help
At Holcomb Law, PC, we understand the complexities of sexless marriages and their impact on divorce proceedings in Virginia. Our experienced team is here to guide you through your options, whether that involves working towards reconciliation or navigating the divorce process.
We offer:
- Sensitive, judgment-free legal advice
- Experienced strategies in Virginia family law
- Mediation and negotiation services
- Support in drafting separation agreements and divorce papers
- Representation in court if necessary.
Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’re here to support you every step of the way.
FAQ: Sexless Marriages and Divorce in Virginia
Can I divorce my spouse in Virginia solely because we haven’t had sex in years?
Potentially yes. Though a sexless marriage isn’t listed among the grounds for divorce in Virginia, it can contribute to a no-fault divorce. In Virginia, lack of sexual intimacy doesn’t need to be proven or even mentioned in a no-fault divorce. The court doesn’t inquire about the reasons for the separation. However, if the sexless nature of your marriage has led to your decision to separate, it indirectly becomes a factor in specific divorce matters such as alimony.
If you’re considering divorce due to a sexless marriage, it’s crucial to consult with an experienced family law attorney. They can help you understand your options and guide you through the process, ensuring that all aspects of your situation are considered.
How does Virginia law define adultery, and could seeking intimacy outside a sexless marriage be considered adultery?
Virginia law defines adultery as a married person having voluntary sexual intercourse with someone other than their spouse. It’s considered a fault-based ground for divorce and is also a Class 4 misdemeanor under Virginia criminal law.
If you’re in a sexless marriage and seek intimacy outside the marriage, it would legally be considered adultery, regardless of the lack of sexual activity within the marriage. This is true even if your spouse is aware of or tacitly approves of the extramarital relationship.
Further, adultery can have significant implications in a divorce case. It can affect property division, spousal support decisions, and even child custody in some cases. Additionally, if proven, adultery can allow the other spouse to file for an immediate divorce without waiting for the separation period required in no-fault divorces.
Given these serious potential consequences, it’s advisable to consult with a family law attorney before taking any actions that could be considered adultery, even if you’re in a sexless marriage. Your attorney can help you understand the potential legal ramifications and explore alternative options for addressing the issues in your marriage.
How might a sexless marriage impact spousal support decisions in a Virginia divorce?
While a sexless marriage itself isn’t a direct factor in determining spousal support (also known as alimony) in Virginia, the circumstances surrounding it could potentially influence the court’s decision.
In Virginia, courts consider various factors when deciding on spousal support, including:
- The obligations, needs, and financial resources of each party
- The standard of living established during the marriage
- The duration of the marriage
- The age and physical and mental condition of each party
- The decisions regarding employment, career, economics, education, and parenting arrangements made by the parties during the marriage
- The contributions, monetary and non-monetary, of each party to the well-being of the family
- The property interests of the parties, both marital and separate
- The provisions made with regard to marital property
- The earning capacity and employment opportunities of each party
- The decisions made by either party that affected their present and future earning potential.
If the sexless nature of the marriage has significantly impacted any of these factors, it could indirectly influence spousal support decisions. For instance, if one spouse demonstrates that the lack of intimacy led to depression or other mental health issues that affected their earning capacity, this could be a relevant consideration.
However, courts generally focus on financial factors rather than emotional or intimate aspects of the marriage when determining spousal support. The primary goal is to ensure that both parties can maintain a standard of living comparable to that during the marriage, taking into account their respective earning capacities and financial needs.
If you believe the sexless nature of your marriage has had a significant impact that should be considered in spousal support decisions, it’s crucial to discuss this with your attorney. They can help you gather relevant evidence and present your case effectively to the court.
Can a sexless marriage be considered a form of abandonment or desertion under Virginia divorce law?
In some cases, yes, a sexless marriage may indicate a type of abandonment called constructive desertion. This occurs when one spouse’s behavior makes the marriage intolerable and forces the other spouse to leave. However, this is challenging to prove and requires demonstrating that the behavior was severe enough to justify leaving.
Similarly, if the lack of intimacy is part of a larger pattern of neglect, emotional abuse, or cruelty, it could contribute to a case for fault-based divorce on these grounds.
Proving fault-based grounds like abandonment or desertion can be challenging and often requires substantial evidence. In many cases, pursuing a no-fault divorce after the required separation period may be a simpler and less contentious option.
If you believe your situation might qualify as abandonment or desertion, it’s crucial to consult with an experienced family law attorney. They can evaluate the specifics of your case, advise you on the strength of potential fault-based grounds, and help you determine the best course of action.
How can I protect myself legally if I’m considering leaving a sexless marriage in Virginia?
If you’re considering leaving a sexless marriage in Virginia, there are several steps you can take to protect yourself legally:
- Document the situation: Keep a record of your attempts to address the intimacy issues in your marriage. This could include notes about conversations with your spouse, records of counseling sessions, or medical consultations related to the issue.
- Consult a family law attorney: Before taking any action, speak with an experienced family law attorney. They can provide advice tailored to your specific situation and help you understand your rights and options.
- Consider a separation agreement: A separation agreement can outline the terms of your separation, including financial arrangements and any agreements about property division. This can provide clarity and protection during the separation period.
- Establish a clear date of separation: In Virginia, the date of separation is crucial for no-fault divorce. Ensure you have clear evidence of when you and your spouse began living separately, such as lease agreements or witness statements.
- Maintain financial records: Gather and organize financial documents, including bank statements, tax returns, and information about assets and debts. This will be crucial if you proceed with divorce.
- Be cautious with social media: Avoid posting about your marital issues or new relationships on social media, as these could potentially be used against you in divorce proceedings.
- Consider counseling: Individual counseling can help you navigate the emotional aspects of leaving your marriage and provide documentation of the impact the sexless marriage has had on your mental health.
- Explore mediation: If you and your spouse are amenable, consider mediation as a way to work out the terms of your separation or divorce. This can often be less adversarial and costly than litigation.
- Understand fault versus no-fault divorce: While a sexless marriage alone isn’t grounds for a fault-based divorce, understanding the difference between fault and no-fault divorce can help you make informed decisions about how to proceed.
- Plan for the future: Consider your long-term financial needs and career prospects. If you’ve been out of the workforce due to the marriage, you might want to start planning for re-entry.
Remember, every situation is unique, and what works best will depend on your specific circumstances. At Holcomb Law, PC, we’re here to guide you through this process, helping you make informed decisions and protecting your interests every step of the way.
Leaving a Sexless Marriage? Have Concerns About Divorce in Virginia? Contact Holcomb Law.
Whether you’re seeking to reconcile with your spouse or explore divorce options, we Holcomb Law are ready to help. With decades of combined experience in family law, our attorneys are perceptive towards each individual’s needs and adept at finding solutions to delicate marital issues.
If you’re struggling with a sexless marriage and contemplating divorce in Virginia, reach out to Holcomb Law today. Our dedicated attorneys will provide you with a “No Hassle Legal Strategy Meeting” where we’ll answer your questions and outline your options clearly. Contact Holcomb Law, PC at (757) 656-1000 to schedule your consultation.
